


My Being, My Existence, My Soul

by touchinghearts



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, info dump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 14:52:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/touchinghearts/pseuds/touchinghearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Missing scene’ after Chapter 182. He has pledged his being and his existence to Princess Tomoyo. But he hasn't yet pledged his soul, the most powerful vow one can make. Who does he offer it to instead?</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Being, My Existence, My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> If I’m perfectly honest, I’m a bigger fan of Syaorancest/ SyaoronxRyuuoh than KuroFai, but only because it’s always more interesting for the couple that isn’t already practically married XD Anyway, I made up all the info concerning the soul vow. I got a little annoyed by the KuroTomo scene in this chapter, so I wrote this in response [because I do adore KuroFai regardless of their marital status 8D]. I totally thought they acted like a married couple after they left Nihon, down to the Epilogue.

  
  
The moon is high in the sky, a round ball of ethereal white amongst the clustering of star dots. Its gentle rays light up the ground below, bathing the Earth and the city overlying it in a soft glow. It's a silent night, disturbed only by the rustling of leaves in wind.  
  
  
Fai takes in a deep breath of crisp air, revelling in the freshness of Night. His lone golden eye, half-lidded and vaguely distant, gazes at the sights laid out before him. He's sitting upon the highest roof of the tallest building in the Shirasagi Castle complex, coincidentally also the largest cluster of buildings in this country. The vantage point allows him an excellent view of its aged beauty. It truly is a majestic place, this medieval land of Japan. Although both countries differ greatly in construction, he can't help but feel that this one is on par with the wonderland of frost and snow-whitened structures, his home Ceres. Somehow, Japan affords him the same sense of peace Ceres, or more specifically Ashura-ou, once had.  
  
  
Syaoran had returned to bed less than an hour ago. He had come up here for quiet and solidarity and perhaps should have been left alone, but Fai knows that if the boy had been allowed to, he would've remained in this spot until the sun crests the outlying mountains. With the unknown future looming before them in Clow Country, Fai refuses to let that child endure more hardship, even if it's something as simple as a cold. Syaoran has gone through enough. He needs his strength for what lies ahead.  
  
  
Fai's lips curve into a bitter smile.  
  
  
Syaoran. It's clear he's suffering, possibly at his own hands, for Sakura's death. Regardless of the fact that she isn't _his_ Sakura, it takes little brainpower to understand she had been important nonetheless, if only because she was a clone of the one most precious to him. After seeing the expression Syaoran wore when talking with the Witch of Dimensions, Fai has an inkling that such grief is not something unfamiliar for him. To have the one he loves missing, then to have the other Sakura murdered by first a friend and then by his own image, Fai, who had been the ‘friend’, can guess how Syaoran is feeling now.  
  
  
For that same reason, he knows exactly what the Clone Syaoran is feeling—that is if Syaoran-kun comprehends what he's done at all.  
  
  
In the end, Fai supposes it doesn't matter. Not at the moment anyway. Sakura, his sweet Sakura, isn't dead; that much Yuuko has confirmed. In a few days' time, the company will leave for Clow Country. No matter what happens, they will retrieve her and her original safely and soundly.  
  
  
It's a rare occurrence for Fai to have hope, but he has it and he _believes_. In the Witch and her Hitsuzen, in Mokona, in Syaoran ( _both_ of them, because Fai refuses to accept that the Syaoran-kun he's grown to treasure is gone for good), and in Kurogane. Most of all, he believes in himself. This time, surely, he will protect the ones he loves. He doesn't care what price he has to pay for it to happen; they will bring down Fei Wong Reed, they will save Sakura, clone and original alike, and everyone including Fai D. Flowrite nee Yuui will come out of this with a happy ending.  
  
  
He will make this reality happen no matter what it takes.  
  
  
A breeze blows past him, slow and chilly. He barely notices it; the strange robe he wears is warm despite its apparent flimsiness. His mind swirls with vague thoughts. The heavier subjects, such as the preparations they will have to make for Clow Country, he pushes away. For now he wishes to enjoy the quiet, allow everything weighing down his shoulders to slip off, to have these few moments of peace before a war. Tomorrow, he will worry, but tonight he will rest. He closes his eye and tilts his head back, letting himself be swayed by the embracing wind, conscious of little else.  
  
  
"Oi."  
  
  
Startled, Fai's golden eye snaps open. His brain kicks back into gear and his nails itch as he turns to see a looming black silhouette across the roof to his left. The figure is mostly hidden within the shadows but his outline is instantly recognisable, as well as the visible red eye. Fai's racing heartbeat calms.  
  
  
"Kuro-tan?" he calls out.  
  
  
Kurogane lopes forward, stopping by Fai’s side and staring down at him. Fai returns the gaze with a dry one of his own.  
  
  
"Don't sneak up on me like that," he reprimands. "I almost attacked you."  
  
  
Kurogane snorts as he takes up a spot beside him. "I thought big bad vampires could sense even hidden people," he says, his version of an apology.  
  
  
Fai rolls his eye but his lips twitch. "Big and bad, am I?" he teases. His reply is only a grunt, which draws the smile out fully.  
  
  
As always, Kurogane sounds exactly the same now as he did during their first meeting. Fai finds that immensely reassuring. No matter what they go through, no matter what obstacles ground them down, and no matter the lessons they all learn; at the core of it, Kurogane has never changed. He gets angry at small, insignificant things, he fights like a demon and he protects without compunction those he's taken under his wing. He comprehends things even Fai takes a while to but continues to do as he likes because he believes in himself. He takes even the worst of changes into stride, letting it all affect him and yet refusing to act differently because of it. For someone whose personality can be summarised so easily, Kurogane is almost frustratingly complicated and yet, without a doubt, constant.  
  
  
Fai doesn't think he'll ever completely understand this man but he's glad for it anyway. Kurogane has given him something precious. He is the only stable thing Fai has ever encountered in his life. It’s one of the biggest reasons why Fai has fallen in love with him.  
  
  
"You've been here awhile," says Kurogane.  
  
  
"I have, haven't I?"  
  
  
Fai smiles and it's genuine. All the smiles he's been giving lately are genuine. The reasons he'd taken strength from to conjure up the same expression before, inevitably fake, have vanished and yet now smiling comes as naturally to him as everyone believes it always had. It's invigorating, in a way.  
  
  
"I was with Syaoran-kun earlier," he mentions. "He's gone to bed."  
  
  
"Why haven't you?"  
  
  
"I could ask you the same question."  
  
  
This seems to irritate Kurogane, which doesn't surprise Fai. "Asshole, can’t you ever give a straight answer?" the ninja growls.  
  
  
Fai grins at him. "Now where would be the fun in that?"  
  
  
Kurogane grunts again, this time in annoyance. He leans back, arms supporting his body. Fai glances at the fake one, intending to ask about it but then those honest red eyes lock with his golden one, clearly demanding an answer to the previous enquiry. Fai sighs in mock exasperation. He knows Kurogane won't let it go unless he knows it's nothing.  
  
  
"I'm not sleepy," he elaborates. "And I couldn't pass up looking at this when I saw it."  
  
  
He gestures to the beauty that is Japan country. Kurogane gazes at him for a few seconds longer and then follows the path of his hand. When Fai glances at him, he can see an almost invisible softening in those harsh features as Kurogane soaks in the sights of his homeland. His heart becomes light.  
  
  
"It's your turn to answer," he reminds the other man, teasing mostly.  
  
  
Kurogane doesn't look at him. "Saw you out here alone," he answers simply. "So I came."  
  
  
Fai is surprised by the honesty. "You came here because you saw me alone?" he repeats.  
  
  
Kurogane turns back with raised eyebrows, as if daring him to challenge his reply. "Yeah."  
  
  
Fai stares at him. He really has no idea what to say to that. Kurogane is out in the cold just because he had seen Fai sitting up here alone, ostensibly to keep him company. That isn't something Kurogane does. Or maybe it is. Fai can't tell, not really. Kurogane never changes but that doesn't mean he knows everything about this proud ninja with far more within him than brute strength. Fai's starting to think he understands him less as time goes on. Anything is possible.  
  
  
Kurogane saves him from replying.  
  
  
"See that tower?" he says, his tone ill-mannered as ever. He's pointing in the direction of the Northern Star a few inches off to their left, to where a high-rising structure stands starkly obvious against other, more moderate buildings. It's a slim edifice, the pale stones gleaming under the rays of the moon.  
  
  
Fai saw it before. He'd thought it was a fine piece of construction. Even from so far away he can clearly see the details etched into the walls; whoever had built it is skilled beyond many others.  
  
  
"It's a beautiful design," he tells Kurogane.  
  
  
"It was built in honour of the Princess' mother, the Queen before Amaterasu, once she passed away."  
  
  
"Oh?" Fai blinks in interest, looking at the tower in a whole new light. "A burial ground?"  
  
  
"Yeah, there's a small one inside the compound. It's open to anyone who wants to visit and pay their respects," Kurogane explains. "There are hundreds visiting every day. The people love her even after she was laid to rest, because when she was Queen, she loved them more than anything."  
  
  
"Ah." Once again, Fai isn’t sure how to reply. What is he supposed to say to something like that without sounding inconsiderate? He's not even sure why Kurogane is telling him this.  
  
  
His friend glances at him and Fai can feel a weight in that gaze. "My mother’s buried there, too," says Kurogane quietly.  
  
  
This time Fai outright stares. Kurogane's mother, the priestess who had been killed by Fei Wong Reed? There is one vision those words conjure and it contains only a fleeting glimpse of the broken and bloodied body of a woman he's never met. The image makes him feel indescribably guilty, even if it's not his fault.  
  
  
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, looking down.  
  
  
"Don't be," says Kurogane immediately, still gruff. "You didn't know anything. I told the Princess a normal grave would be fine but she insisted that because my mother was a Priestess who had served the land with her own life, she deserved to be honoured and remembered just as much as her own mother. I had nothing to say to that."  
  
  
"Do you visit her?"  
  
  
"Yeah, when I can. I visited her just before I saw you."  
  
  
Fai regards him. "You have a beautiful home," he says softly, which causes the other man to start and turn to him in surprise. "I would dearly like to live here, if I could."  
  
  
Better this place that somehow brings him peace, now that his beloved Ceres is no more.  
  
  
Kurogane looks at him. It's clear he hadn't expected anything like that to come out of Fai's mouth. Fai thinks it's a nice shift from the norm; it can't always be him who's shocked by sudden confessions that come out of nowhere. He hadn't expected Kurogane to tell him about his mother's burial place either.  
  
  
The silence whirls around them in the wind for a few minutes before Kurogane speaks again. Apparently he's attempting to regain the upper hand.  
  
  
"You could come live here once this is all over," he says, his voice brusque.  
  
  
Fai shrugs with a smile. "Perhaps," he replies. "But there isn't really a reason to. You'd be annoyed if I do, won't you?"  
  
  
He means it as a joke, of course, but then Kurogane lowers his eyes. Fai is astonished. What's wrong with Kurogane, really? He's acting ever so strangely tonight.  
  
  
"Kuro-sama?" he ventures cautiously.  
  
  
"Wouldn't mind all that much," Kurogane finally says, after a long pause.  
  
  
Fai doesn't aim to be slow but he has to ask to make sure he's heard correctly. "Mind what?"  
  
  
Red eyes glare at him accusingly and it takes a bit more time before there's an elaboration. "I wouldn't mind you staying here," Kurogane bites out, grudgingly.  
  
  
A golden eye blinks. Incredulity fills Fai's delicate features. He hadn’t expected the stoic ninja to outright _admit_ it. "What?" he says in disbelief.  
  
  
Despite his embarrassment, Kurogane unflinchingly meets his gaze. They stare at each other, attempting to gauge what the other is thinking but unable to tell. Eventually, Fai breaks the eye contact. He can't handle that strange look Kurogane has in his eyes any longer.  
  
  
"How is Princess Tomoyo?" he asks, to change the subject.  
  
  
Kurogane's voice comes after a pause, back to its usual gruffness. "She's fine."  
  
  
"You must've missed her. You were parted for so long."  
  
  
"I wasn't there to protect her as I should have been."  
  
  
"You're very loyal to her, aren't you?" says Fai, smiling again.  
  
  
Kurogane is silent for so long that it seems as if he isn’t going to speak at all. And then: "I made a vow to her," he says, abrupt.  
  
  
Fai looks toward him, curious. "A vow?"  
  
  
"Yeah." Kurogane straightens his back and crosses his arms. "I pledged that my entire being existed for my master," he states. "I swore that I would serve none but my master. My very existence belongs to her. I’ve done it before, when I was sworn in as a ninja, but this time I vowed under my true name, something only she knows."  
  
  
Fai goes cold. He can't quite explain the arrow of wrenching pain that rips through his body but it's there. He identifies it as something close to the grief he had felt at Ashura-ou's betrayal, and later the realisation that Ashura-ou had never betrayed him after all. It's similar to the agony he had felt at the death of his beloved twin, the guilt when he believed it was his fault and the grief when he finally let go.  
  
  
Not quite like any of them but greater than every single one.  
  
  
"Ah," says Fai, making use of his considerable acting skills to mask the choke threatening to rise in his voice. The ground far below suddenly looks very inviting but he ignores the silly thought. He won't jump. Not after everything that's happened, the promises he's made.  
  
  
"She accepted," Kurogane tells him, as if Fai doesn't already know. Who in their right mind would refuse of vow of such devotion?  
  
  
"I could guess."  
  
  
Fai closes his eye. To swear service and loyalty under one's true name is an old, binding magic of powerful origin. It’s believed that none can break free of such a vow once it's made. The magic involved requires a level of commitment normally associated with love. Kurogane must have known this and fulfilled all present conditions to perform it correctly. He had willingly placed himself in servitude for life to his princess Tomoyo, everything that he is devoted solely to her.  
  
  
He should keep talking. If he keeps talking, he can keep himself from losing his composure and revealing his last well-kept secret. He can't let that happen, least of all in front of Kurogane. He refuses to break down in front of the man he has, despite all the effort he's expended, managed to fall in love with. All he needs to do is keep on talking.  
  
  
"I suppose you won't be seeing the rest of us much after all this is over," Fai says next, a little softer.  
  
  
"Depends," replies Kurogane.  
  
  
Fai supposes he shouldn’t be as torn up as he feels. This is something he’s been expecting. No one he loves had ever been able to stay by his side. The real Fai, Ashura...no one. _This_ is his true curse. The wish to have someone always by his side, loving him for everything he is, can never be granted even with Yuuko's phenomenal amount of power. Feelings never require a price and likewise no price can be paid for feelings. It's a desire that can't be fulfilled, no matter how powerful he is. He understands that. He accepts it. He just never expected rejection to be this sudden.  
  
  
"You know," says Fai, getting to his feet, "I think it’s best if I go to bed now."  
  
  
He hates how his voice gives away that slight tremor. He bundles up all the turmoil in his chest and locks it away, determined to retain his dignity for now. He can’t let Kurogane see. Even if he does know, even if he had realised it because of that unnatural sharpness he possesses, even if Fai has lost this man for good, he wants to at least keep the respect he’s gained and pretend that everything is alright. It will be, eventually, when he's had some time to get used to the idea.  
  
  
His companion looks up at him, his face expressionless. Fai meets his gaze and smiles, knowing that a little sadness has leaked into it.  
  
  
"Goodnight, Kurogane," he says quietly, and turns to walk away. He manages only several feet when the other speaks.  
  
  
"We're not done yet," says Kurogane. Fai looks back and sees him rising to his feet. For the first time, he notices that the sword by Kurogane's side is different, one he's seen once before. Ginryuu, if he's not mistaken. The sword Kurogane had given the Witch as the price for the power to travel dimensions.  
  
  
Fai turns away again. "It's really late," he says softly. "We're done."  
  
  
There is more than one meaning behind those two words. It hurts when he realises it.  
  
  
"No, we're not. Look at me."  
  
  
Reluctantly, Fai turns around until he's facing Kurogane. He gazes the slightly shadowed face of the ninja. Pain shoots through his chest again but he ignores it, used to that kind of emotion after so many years of experiencing nothing else.  
  
  
"What is it?" he asks, deceptively calm.  
  
  
"If you don't like it, you should say so," says Kurogane.  
  
  
He noticed after all. And if he notices that, then it's entirely possible he's noticed everything else.  
  
  
Fai swallows and knows there isn't much use in denial. "Some things just aren't meant to be shared, Kuro-chan," he says.  
  
  
"Why do you get to decide what they are?"  
  
  
Fai doesn't know how to answer that so he ignores it. "Is there something you need, Kuro-sama?" he asks, running a hand through his hair. "Only, I want to get back to my room now."  
  
  
"Why are you in such a hurry to get back?" Kurogane counters. "You were perfectly fine before I mentioned my vow to the Princess."  
  
  
Fai has no doubt now. Kurogane must know.  
  
  
Dropping his pretence of cheer, he says, "Forgive me for not wanting to hear more about you binding yourself in eternal servitude."  
  
  
If he sounds slightly acidic, it's just to cover the pain of admitting it out loud.  
  
  
“It’s not eternal servitude,” says Kurogane, unexpectedly.  
  
  
“I know about this kind of magic, Kuro-puu,” Fai replies. “In fact, I probably know about it more than you, considering my previous status as a wizard.”  
  
  
“Even if it is eternal servitude,” Kurogane allows although he clearly doesn’t believe his own words, “it’s not like it changes anything. I would’ve served Tomoyo with my life even without the vow.”  
  
  
Fai knows that. He just likes to pretend he doesn’t. Not that it’s much use now.  
  
  
“You made that quite clear early on in our acquaintance,” he chooses to say, “but to seal with a vow does make it different. You must’ve known this, to even think about doing it at all.”  
  
  
“I’ve heard about things like that but I never gave it much thought. I always believed my original vow to Tomoyo was enough. It wasn’t something that mattered to me since I didn’t have magic. But then, when we came to the library in Lecourt Country, I found a book that told me a little about the ceremony and that it didn’t necessarily require magic to perform.”  
  
  
Fai is silent for a moment, recalling a thick book Kurogane had been intently leafing through. He hadn’t given it much thought at the time, quickly distracted by the ensuing predicament involving Syaoran-kun and the Book of Memories. Now that he remembers, he thinks he even recognises that book.  
  
  
“I’ve read it before,” he tells Kurogane. “Or, at least, something similar to it in my country.”  
  
  
This piece of information changes the ninja’s expression completely.  
  
  
“You know what a vow made under your true name is like?”  
  
  
Fai frowns, just a little bit. “I’m aware of what’s involved, yes.”  
  
  
“So...” Kurogane pauses, as if searching for words. Fai waits somewhat impatiently, wishing this conversation would end and he can escape to solitude safely. Kurogane doesn’t take much longer. “You should know what I needed to have to make it work, right?” he asks.  
  
  
Fai deliberately prevents himself from stiffening. He grins brightly at the other man. “I know exactly what you needed to do, Kuro-won,” he says. “And I must say, you are a dedicated man, indeed. Princess Tomoyo should count her lucky stars. Or should I say that about you, to have a master capable of handling the obligations of such a vow?”  
  
  
This time, it’s Kurogane who frowns. “Hey,” he starts, “you...you understand why I made it, don’t you?”  
  
  
“I’m aware of what a vow made under one’s true name implies, Kuro-sama.”  
  
  
The frown deepens, although Fai doesn’t see the reason for it. Kurogane is quiet for a while, studying him.  
  
  
Then the frown abruptly turns into a scowl. “You idiot,” he growls, “you don’t actually know. You think it’s something else. Stupid.”  
  
  
Fai’s not sure if he should feel offended or confused. He goes for offended because he’s growing really tired of confusion. “I know I don’t have my magic but that doesn’t mean everything else went with it,” he says, allowing annoyance to colour his tone. “You can’t use magic unless you have the knowledge and I still remember all that. I just can’t apply it anymore.”  
  
  
“And you really know about true vows?”  
  
  
Kurogane’s sceptic tone makes Fai even more irritated.  
  
  
“Yes, Kuro-wanwan, I know everything there is to know about true vows.”  
  
  
“Then why do you look like you’re about to cry?”  
  
  
Fai bites his tongue. Hard. There’s a burst of pain and the taste of blood floods his mouth. He doesn’t react to it. It’s bad enough that he can’t even hide what he truly wants to; kind man that he pretends not to be, Kurogane probably pities him for it. It’s grating. Fai does _not_ want to be pitied, least of all by the man he loves, who prides strength above all else.  
  
  
He looks away for a moment, gathering himself before turning back. Kurogane’s still scowling.  
  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kuro-chan.”  
  
  
He expects anger. He expects disappointment. Maybe even shock, to an extent. He receives none of that. Instead, Kurogane’s scowl melts away, leaving at first only blankness before something else takes it place. Fai’s stunned to realise that it’s the ninja’s brand of gentleness.  
  
  
"I've pledged myself to Tomoyo," says Kurogane again. "My being, my very existence belongs to her, bound to her word."  
  
  
Fai spreads his hands in a show of exasperation, just to make him stop. “I heard you the first time, Kuro-tan,” he says. He doesn’t want to hear it again. “You don’t have to keep reminding me. I told you; I know what a vow made under one’s true name entails.”  
  
  
Kurogane doesn’t miss a beat. "Then you should know everything about it, including the types of true vows that exist."  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
Kurogane folds his arms, Ginryuu swinging by his side. "Alright,” he says, almost mildly. “Tell me about them."  
  
  
Fai blinks. "Don’t you already know?” he says with some surprise. “You have to, if you got as far as completing it. What would be the point?"  
  
  
Kurogane narrows his eyes at him. "Just do it."  
  
  
Fai entertains the notion of refusing and then leaving, which is what he wants to do. He thinks it’s somewhat cruel of Kurogane to prolong this conversation when he knows about Fai’s feelings but Fai will humour him anyway. He knows that otherwise Kurogane will just chase after and badger him until he gets his point – whatever it is – across.  
  
  
“Fine,” he says, “but I’m warning you now, I’m just going to recite what I remember from the books I’ve read.”  
  
  
“Just get on with it.”  
  
  
Fai sighs. “A true name-vow concerns the pledge of either one’s being, one’s existence or one’s soul to one’s designated master. This pledge is made under one’s true name, whether the master knows it or not. It requires a dedication, loyalty and/or love on the avower’s part that must be unwavering in order for the ceremony to succeed. To pledge either one’s existence or one’s being for the sake of the receiver will strengthen the bond until nothing but the master’s order may break it. To pledge more than one or all three will strengthen the bond until nothing short of death will break it.”  
  
  
He has to stop there, his heart constricting as he mulls over the meaning of what he’s just said. From Kurogane’s previous words, he’d vowed with two of the vital elements and succeeded. His love for Princess Tomoyo is beyond even Fai’s previous calculations.  
  
  
“There’s more.”  
  
  
Fai lifts his head, startled. “I...well, yes, I know,” he says before his eyebrows furrow. “For some reason, I can’t quite remember what comes next.”  
  
  
Kurogane unfolds his arms. “Really?” he says suspiciously. He stares at Fai with the most jarring expression he’s worn the entire conversation.  
  
  
Fai doesn’t have the stomach to interpret it. “I don’t,” he says with a shrug that conveys none of the uncertainty he feels inside. It’s strange that he doesn’t remember the following words of the text. When it comes to magic, he has an unshakable memory. This has never happened before. “It’s rather blurry.”  
  
  
Kurogane seems thoughtful for a moment before his resolute face comes on. “I’ll jog your memory, then,” he says firmly.  
  
  
Fai eyes him doubtfully. The fact he doesn’t remember makes him suspect that something’s making him forget. If it’s the cause of an outside source, he’s sure he’d notice; so that means he himself might be the reason he can’t remember. What comes next could be an unpleasant piece of information he’d blocked out on purpose. Perhaps he doesn’t want to hear what it is because it would only cause him more pain.  
  
  
In the end, it’s not his decision to make.  
  
  
“To pledge either one’s existence or one’s being for the sake of the receiver will strengthen the bond until nothing but the master’s order may break it. To pledge more than one or all three will strengthen the bond until nothing short of death will break it,” Kurogane begins, repeating Fai’s recitation before continuing with: “Both types of vows are powerful but they differ completely from the last type; the pledge of one’s soul alone. Because it is something that transcends the body and time itself, the soul is considered an entity separate from being and existence. To pledge one’s soul along with either or both, which are unique for every span of life even with the same soul, ties down the avower to the moment he performs the ceremony, granting it the limit of a lifetime.”  
  
  
The words of the book he’s once read return to Fai in the manner similar to ice-cold water splashing into his face. His lips part in shock and his golden eye widens.  
  
  
“The vow of only the soul, however, forms a different base entirely,” he says softly. “One’s true name is etched into the soul from the moment it is given and thus remains the same no matter how many times the soul experiences reincarnation. With this foundation, it becomes a vow that requires far more than the conditions set for all other types of true name vows. To pledge the soul alone will give the receiver, in effect one’s master, utter power over him and receive the same.”  
  
  
Although he’s been interrupted, Kurogane easily picks up when Fai stops again. As he speaks, he stalks forward, closing the distance between them.  
  
  
“The pledge of one’s soul can only be given to the person who is one’s master and also who one is master of,” he continues. “This is to seal the bond between souls, carrying it on until even death cannot break it. The being and existence binds one to his master but the pledge of one’s soul will bind also one’s master to him. For the oath to succeed, one must have utter devotion and love beyond a doubt for his master. This is imperative because a ceremony of this scale demands a level of commitment that surpasses all obligations, oaths and promises made before and after, no matter the context or power. To make a vow of the soul is to reveal one’s true name willingly to his master.”  
  
  
Kurogane stops in front of Fai and looks down at him with that damnable all-seeing expression of his. “To make a vow of the soul is to offer one’s master his everything for all time and eternity,” he ends in a quiet voice.  
  
  
Fai is speechless.  
  
  
"Remember now?" says Kurogane gruffly.  
  
  
Fai nods; it’s the only thing he can respond with.  
  
  
“I made the pledge of being and existence to Princess Tomoyo because it was the only link I could give her for when we leave, now that she doesn’t have her dreamseer powers anymore,” Kurogane tells him. “I don’t intend to die but I can’t control what will happen when we go up against the bastard who killed my mother. Tomoyo gave me a purpose for my life; she’s the one who saved me from becoming a pawn in that asshole’s plan. I tied myself to her, with my true name that she’s known ever since the day she took me in, since she is the only one I would ever be willing to swear service to. I’ve made this vow once before, and I vowed again so she can trust that one day I will return to her side. It’s my duty to serve her to the day I pass on.”  
  
  
Fai looks up at him. “Why are you telling me this?” he asks.  
  
  
Kurogane grips Ginryuu and holds it up before him. “This is my family heirloom,” he says, a trace of grimness in his voice. “The true Ginryuu. The one I gave the Witch was only a replica because I requested Tomoyo to bury it along with my mother. She didn’t because my mother wished for it. She blessed this before her death and I inherited it through the blood of my father, who died wielding it. It could be she knew, or saw in a dream, what I would have to do one day.”  
  
  
Fai raises his hand and hesitates. When Kurogane doesn’t show any sign of getting angry, he allows his fingers to run along the scaly hilt. Although he doesn’t have his magic anymore, he can feel the awesome power contained within the long sword. He can also sense a new layer of magic on it, something very, very recent. He curls his fingers around the dragon head.  
  
  
“It’s a splendid weapon,” he comments. “And I see that it’s been blessed again.”  
  
  
“My vow to Tomoyo,” says Kurogane, “I made with Ginryuu. This is the symbol of my devotion to her. As a form of acceptance in my country, she performed another blessing.”  
  
  
Fai takes his hand back. His heart aches but his smile is genuine. “It’s certainly an effective one,” he murmurs. “That blessing she’s made on your sword will give you strength when you do what you have to do. The bond between you is truly powerful.”  
  
  
“Without a doubt,” says Kurogane and lowers the sword.  
  
  
“Not that it isn’t nice to be confided in, Kuro-sama,” says Fai, “but I still don’t know why you’re telling me all this.”  
  
  
“Because I wanted to make sure you knew exactly what a vow of the soul is supposed to be.”  
  
  
Fai has a flash of foreboding. “You know, Kuro-won, there’s only been one recorded success of a true name vow of the soul,” he says lightly. He knows it’s mean but he can’t help it. It’s become obvious that Kurogane’s aiming to make this vow, considering what this entire conversation has been about. The thought of who he’s going to make it to makes Fai want to scream. It’s like being stabbed over and over again.  
  
  
“Yeah, so?”  
  
  
“Well, the success of the ceremony is estimated to be at nearly zero percent. The only known one was ages ago, according to our current timeline. Everyone who’s tried since failed because the conditions are impossible to fulfil. Most people think it’s a lost cause.”  
  
  
Kurogane gives a careless shrug. “If you have confidence, it’ll work,” is his response.  
  
  
Fai falters. It takes a considerable amount of effort to voice his question but he needs to make sure. “Are you...going to make that vow to your Princess?”  
  
  
Kurogane gives him a look, the one he makes when Fai’s said or done something he thinks is really, really stupid.  
  
  
“Idiot,” he growls, “If I was going to do that, why would I bother making any other vow? I told you I pledged my being and existence to her. That’s all I needed to do. I didn’t give her the vow of my soul because that would’ve been a mistake. She’s my Princess and no one’ll ever replace her but it’s not like I want to bind myself to her service for all the lives I might live. She wouldn’t want that either. Neither of us love each other in the capacity the vow demands. The ceremony for that wouldn’t succeed.”  
  
  
Fai opens his mouth but no words to reply with come to mind. He blinks. “Then why are we talking about this?” he says, bewildered.  
  
  
“Because, you damn mage, it’s not her I want to make the vow to.”  
  
  
Fai is frightened nearly to death when Kurogane suddenly kneels before him. He gapes as the ninja sets aside Ginryuu and looks up at him with steady crimson eyes.  
  
  
“Kuro-tan,” Fai manages to whisper, uneasy with this, “What... what are you doing? Stand up. Please.”  
  
  
“Shut up, you bastard!” Kurogane barks. “The ceremony has to be performed according to how the country carries out its rituals and Japan takes a damn long time. I have to do this in the traditional way for it to activate properly so shut your trap and let me remember the words. I didn’t spend nights memorising them for nothing.”  
  
  
Fai stares down at him, petrified. He knows exactly what this beloved, perplexing, currently insane man is about to do. He’s just not able to process it. This—this is beyond any fantasy he’s ever entertained. And it’s scarier than anything he’s faced before.  
  
  
Kurogane shifts on his knees, looking irritated but determined.  
  
  
“Fai D. Flourite,” he begins in his rough, deep voice as he bows his head, “my true name I offer you willingly, to initiate the vow of my soul to you whom I am the true master of and who I have chosen as my true master.”  
  
  
Fai considers bolting. Kurogane’s shit serious here. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he needed to perform this properly; Fai can hear the power resonating in the words he speaks. He’s been preparing for this and planned it out with care. It’s not on impulse, which Fai had been hoping when he realises Kurogane’s intent.  
  
  
“All ninjas of my land have two names. The name I use, the name gifted by my sire, is Kurogane. But my true name which was given to me at the moment of my birth by the woman who gave me life,” Kurogane looks up then, his eyes intense and displaying everything Fai has never been able to read before, _everything_ , “is You-ou.”  
  
  
 _You-ou._  
  
  
Kurogane has offered his true name without reservation. The sheer power of this act rushes through Fai like a breath of fresh air. The knowledge that this ceremony might succeed settles in his stomach and he’s overcome with wonder.  
  
  
“And under my true name I swear,” Kurogane continues, “to devote my soul to my true master who owns me as I own him. For we are equal in all the ways that matter to me, and I feel truly that you are my other half, I make this vow to you. Upon my free will, I so swear that through the boundaries of life and death, whether we are born together or apart, my devotion to you will never waver. My soul is yours, existing beyond time and space for your sake alone. To seal our binding for eternity, will you accept my offering?”  
  
  
Fai is trembling but at least he’s snapped out of his irrational fear. He holds out his hand; he doesn’t know how, but somehow it occurs to him that this is the ceremonial gesture that must be made by the one receiving this vow. Kurogane takes it and allows himself to be pulled to his feet.  
  
  
“You-ou, as is the name which you have offered me on your free will,” Fai intones, forcing his voice to keep clear and steady, “I, as your true master and the one you are true master of, accept your vow.”  
  
  
Kurogane braces himself. Fai quirks an eyebrow at him. The corner of his lips twitch upwards. If Kurogane believes this is over, he has another thing coming. Fai has to pay him back for the emotional rollercoaster he’s been forced through because Kurogane is a retard when it comes to expressing feelings. Making use of his considerable knowledge, Fai reaches out and pulls the reins on the magic encircling them, preventing the ceremony’s official end.  
  
  
Kurogane flinches when he doesn’t feel the final thread connect to complete the ritual. He stares at Fai with an expression that mixes shock and horror. Fai doesn’t need to ask; he knows that Kurogane is wondering if the ceremony failed because he hadn’t fulfilled the conditions. Silly Kuro-pon. If that had been case, Fai wouldn’t have known the words required to accept his vow.  
  
  
“You-ou Kurogane,” he speaks solemnly, “My true name I offer you willingly so that we may strengthen our bond twice fold and complete our union. This name, which I have cast away so long ago in favour of my brother’s to honour his memory, is Yuui. Under my true name I swear to devote my soul to my true master who owns me as I own him. For we are equal in all the ways that matter to me, and I feel truly that you are my other half, I make this vow to you. Upon my free will, I so swear that through the boundaries of life and death, whether we are born together or apart, my devotion to you will never waver. My soul is yours, existing beyond time and space for your sake alone. To seal our binding twice over for eternity and what lies after, will you accept my offering?”  
  
  
Kurogane stares at him, stunned by this turn of events.  
  
  
“This—this shouldn’t be possible,” he mutters, face openly questioning how Fai’s managed to change an ancient ritual without cancelling it completely.  
  
  
Fai wiggles his eyebrows. “Will you accept my offering, paltry though it may be?” he says, half-teasing. Kurogane blinks once and suddenly grins at him, wide and feral. His hand, still clasped in Fai’s, turns and links their fingers together.  
  
  
“Yuui, as is the name which you have offered me on your free will,” he says, voice strong and unhesitating, “I, as your true master and the one you are true master of, accept your vow.”  
  
  
Fai releases his hold on the ceremony and the last thread falls into place. Magic shoots through him, familiar and yet foreign. He closes his eyes and relishes the way it sings in his veins. The moment it is done resonates through him, his soul, and he opens his eyes again. The bond has been sealed for eternity.  
  
  
Fai feels pure joy rise up within him. It’s a feeling he’s never before experienced. He can’t quite believe he’s in this moment. To complete an ancient ritual thousands of others have failed to perform, to forge a bond on such a monumental scale, is a wish he couldn’t have made in all his wildest dreams. And he’s done it with the man he adores, the man who returns his feelings. He will never doubt this fact because the success of the ceremony erases any question of it. There’s a reason so few can accomplish it. A true name vow to bind the soul takes into account the ageless quality of all existing souls. It can’t be made successfully without an endless love and devotion that _must_ transcend time and space.  
  
  
It’s what makes this particular oath far more powerful than any and all others; it lasts beyond reincarnation. Without the foresight to know that their strength of feeling for each other could withstand that, it falls on Hitsuzen to approve the ceremony. And the proof that their love _will_ endure rebirth is that they've succeed in making their vows. For the rest of their lives, for the rest of all lives they might live together or apart, the fact that their hearts and souls belong to each other will never change.  
  
  
Fai doesn’t think he can get any happier at this point.  
  
  
“Kuro-pi is so sneaky,” he says, grinning up at the other man. “It’s not nice to spring something like that on anyone, you know. I could’ve used some warning.”  
  
  
Kurogane snorts derisively. “You’re always so know-it-all about everything,” he says, “I thought it’d be good for you to be clueless once in a while. Anyway, it’s not like you didn’t spring the same kind of thing on me, mage. I had no idea changing the ceremony like that was allowed.”  
  
  
Fai is delighted to realise that, with the new knowledge that his feelings are returned, he has no doubt that the gentle look hidden in crimson eyes is for him alone.  
  
  
“I didn’t know either, to be honest,” he says brightly. “I wasn’t even sure of what I was doing.”  
  
  
Kurogane levels a look of disbelief on him. “You didn’t know what you were doing?” he hisses.  
  
  
Fai blinks innocently at him. “Not a clue,” he confirms.  
  
  
Kurogane seems speechless, which makes Fai laugh.  
  
  
“Don’t be such a worry wart, Kuro-chi, the ceremony went on smoothly, didn’t it?” he says, untangling their hands and throwing his arms around the taller man’s neck. “If it wasn’t allowed, I couldn’t have done it.”  
  
  
“You’re damnably lucky sometimes,” Kurogane says, after a moment.  
  
  
At this, Fai’s smile becomes soft. “Yeah,” he agrees. “I really am.”  
  
  
Kurogane tilts his head slightly, just enough for the shadows to cover his face and hide the oncoming blush. Fai smirks and leans up, allowing the length of their bodies to press against each other.  
  
  
“Hey,” he whispers in his new lover’s ear, “you know, some texts say there’s a consummation stage you have to complete once you close the ceremony.”  
  
  
Kurogane blinks at him. “Consummation stage?” he repeats. “The hell is that?”  
  
  
So innocent! Fai bemoans to himself. He’d suspected but he hadn’t been too sure. He seriously wonders if Kurogane is a virgin. If he is, getting him to bed might be a little difficult. It doesn’t matter, though; they have today, tomorrow and the rest of eternity for all kinds of experiences.  
  
  
“Like this,” he whispers, and pulls Kurogane’s head down.  
  
  
Kurogane’s fast to catch on and he comes willingly. When their lips connect, Fai acknowledges that it’s perfectly possible to become happier.  
  
  
And so he discards all thoughts of what lies ahead, choosing to focus all his attention on the wonderfully tender kiss he’s sharing with the man who’s now his for good. He wants to make the most of this moment before he sets his mind for the future battle they will eventually walk into. His wish has been granted. He’s no longer alone.  
  
  
 _“With this, the binding is complete,”_ a genderless speaks from everywhere and nowhere, the voice of the ceremony, the voice of Hitsuzen, _“the ceremony is at an end.”_  
  
  
Neither of them notice, wrapped up in their mutual embrace as they are. Just for now, nothing beyond their united world exists.  
  
  
“Hey,” Fai says softly, when they part. “We should go. But there’s something I want to do first.”  
  
  
Kurogane’s crimson eyes look into his golden in question. “What?”  
  
  
“Come on.” Fai steps back, reluctantly, and turns in the direction of the white tower. When there’s no immediate response from the other man, he looks back.  
  
  
Kurogane seems slightly confused. “Where are we going?”  
  
  
“I was just thinking,” Fai tells him lightly, “is it alright if I pay my respects to your mother?”  
  
  
Kurogane’s grip goes slack and he stares, wide-eyed, at Fai. It takes him a few moments but he gathers himself and manages a nod. Fai smiles.  
  
  
“Lead the way?” he requests, holding out a hand.  
  
  
Kurogane takes it with a gentle look in his eyes and grips tightly.  
  
  
The moon is high in the sky, a round ball of ethereal white amongst the clustering of star dots. Its gentle rays lovingly light the way for the couple, a representation of their happiness, their precious love, their future together.  
  
  
They bask in it, content in the knowledge that, come what may, they will be by each other’s side in the end, whether in the next life or on the other side.  
  
  
  
.  
.  
.  
  
  
  
 _A little later..._  
  
  
"So, Hawk King, huh?"  
  
  
Kurogane shifts underneath the covers, glancing at his artificial arm and then over at his new lover. "What?” he says, glowering. “Got a problem with it?"  
  
  
"Nothing, I think it suits you pretty well, Kuro-chan."  
  
  
"Stop calling me that, you bastard."  
  
  
Fai beams at him. "But Kuro-tan! It’s an expression of my undying love for you."  
  
  
Wordless, Kurogane has no qualm smacking him. He doesn’t even twitch when Fai yelps and directs a wounded look at him. The idiot mage deserves it.  
  
  
"Kuro-sama is so violent," Fai whines. "I don’t know why I put up with you."  
  
  
Kurogane raises his eyebrows at him and after a few seconds, Fai’s lips twitch. They both know the answer to that.  
  
  
“Because you’re so awesome, that’s why,” says Fai with a happy sigh, wrapping his arms around Kurogane and tugging him forward.  
  
  
Kurogane winces when this movement causes his lower body to shift unexpectedly. He snarls at Fai who releases him instantly.  
  
  
“Sorry,” he says, golden eye wide with sincere apology. “Does it hurt that badly?”  
  
  
The question is a slap to his pride and makes embarrassment rise like a tidal wave. Kurogane steels himself and heaves his body closer to his lover, resolutely ignoring the twinges of pain in his lower back.  
  
  
“Kuro-puu, you shouldn’t exert yourself, you might—”  
  
  
“Fucking shut up, mage,” Kurogane hisses at him. He adjusts himself until he’s settled back into comfort and pulls at Fai’s arm until it drapes itself around his waist.  
  
  
“Okay?” Fai asks softly.  
  
  
“’m fine, stop asking already,” Kurogane grunts. “Just go to sleep. We need to get up a little early so I can get out of here.”  
  
  
"Why?"  
  
  
"If Princess Tomoyo finds out about this, she’ll give me hell and I am not going to deal with that crazy woman if I can help it."  
  
  
Fai laughs quietly. "Yes, she does seem the type to tease you to death, doesn’t she?"  
  
  
"She’s all kind of trouble. She can be one brat when she wants to be."  
  
  
"I think she’s a lovely girl."  
  
  
Kurogane scoffs. Then he smirks. "A while ago you didn’t think she was all that lovely."  
  
  
It takes a moment for Fai to get it and when he does, he goes red.  
  
  
“So I was jealous,” he says, a trifle defensively. "When you told me you made a vow to her, I thought she’d taken you away from me for good. You can’t blame me for that."  
  
  
"I never said I blamed you for anything, mage."  
  
  
Fai narrows his eye at him. "You like it," he says accusingly. "You’re enjoying my being jealous, aren’t you?"  
  
  
"I don’t know what the hell you mean." But Kurogane can’t keep the grin back anymore.  
  
  
"You really are awful, Kuro-hawky."  
  
  
Kurogane jerks his head towards him. "What the f-"  
  
  
Fai leans forward and kisses him, which effectively cut shorts the curse. "Shh," he coos after pulling away. "Time to sleep. You need to wake up early and sneak out so she doesn’t find out about your new lover."  
  
  
Kurogane stares at him. After a few seconds of debate, he decides it just isn’t worth it. He’s too sore and tired to bicker. He rests his head back against the pillow, ignoring the light snicker Fai doesn’t bother to stifle. Minutes pass in silence and just as he gets drowsy enough for his eyes to start drooping, Fai speaks again.  
  
  
"Kuro-chan?" he calls softly as he settles his head against Kurogane’s shoulder.  
  
  
Kurogane grunts.  
  
  
"I love you."  
  
  
Kurogane closes his eyes, allowing the little smile to surface since he knows Fai won’t see it. "Yeah, you bastard," he replies. "I love you too."  
  
  
  
  
  
 **END**  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Do comment, if you've the time.^^ ♥


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